Even something as simple as standing in line at the supermarket checkout
Posted by lune on October 28, 2009
Even something as simple as standing in line at the supermarket checkout, waiting behind two other woman, one fumbling for her change the other raising her eyebrows ever-so-slightly to me in that oh, so subtle sarcastic way people have when they are overwhelmingly inconvenienced by another’s stupidity. This slight thing, something no one else caught, tempting me to get embroiled in the story, a story of intolerance, ageism, supermarket check-out-ism, the story of a person interacting with another person, a story; a simple, deadly serious, half-hearted story of me against the world.
And there are other moments; sitting under the bare trees listening to heartfelt stories of divorcing couples, penniless neighbours, life’s small dramas mixed with life’s insurmountable problems, passing through on the icy wind.
We would not be here without our stories; the rich tapestries woven out of moments of sorrow, boredom, ecstasy, love, hate, jealousy, rage, ambition and intolerance, stitched to our own subtle hue, perfectly sized and stiffened into place with rabbit-skin glue. Every needlepoint of precision thrust through again and again, fixing it all in place, sealing the seams shut.
To be a person is to have a story to tell and every single word is a stitch in the embroidery of a life encased in silk; whispers from our parents, our ancestors, from the land, from the weather, our teachers, our friends, our enemies – each breath a story adding itself to another story, layer upon layer of yore spun out from a silken cocoon of existence, our sustenance.
Oneness could not encounter life any other way.
And how rich, how complex, how baroque these lives are; billions of voices shaping the landscape of memory, of time, of sentiment, of story; billions of unheard songs lost in the sea of forgetting.
Ah, forgetting – like a thousand songbirds being set free in the morning mist, ripping out every stitch as they take flight.
There is no person standing in a slow checkout queue raising her eyebrows to me, no small silkworm weaving away inside her head, no spider webs falling from her mouth as she sighs again – there could be, but there is not. There’s no me, no her, no story, no sarcasm, nothing, even though for a split-second I catch her eye, flicker back a response, play along with the story, the type of self-gratifying arachnidan-spinner that I am.
We all are; no way we cannot be. To be a person is to have a story to tell, after all.
But it is all just noise, white noise left scratching the set as the late night show on TV closes for the night; all just exquisite, unbearable, rabbit-glue-stiffened noise and when the noise falls away, the silence that remains in this vastness, this endlessness, this tiny specklessness, is exactly what was already there in the first place – the consciousness of it All just as it is.
This is Oneness acting out Life; burgeoned in it’s cornucopia of variety, streamlined in it’s deadly efficiency, writing, scoring, acting, set-designing, sound-checking, ushering, applauding, booing, popcorn-throwing and celebrating the fantasy called ‘I’; immersed in everything It is, rendered invisible by it’s own illusion, a dream within the dream, in all it’s intricacy, dreaming dreams of itself until it dreams no more.
Just as it is meant to be.
Suzanne said
Beautiful. The apparently unfolding story sure gets a bad rap by a lot of writers/teachers of Advaita, neo- or otherwise. It’s all the same thing. Even the contraction into the story is boundlessness, but that’s not something understandable to the mind. There seems to be a lot of telling seekers to stop thinking, be still, oneness/awareness is pre-language, it is not thought, etc. but it’s all the same thing. Thought is oneness as much as anything else, and words, and beautiful concepts and analogies available in the appearance and so beautifully constructed by Lune.
The folks at UGC decided not to run my second interview, ostensibly because the sound quality was bad; when I pushed for why they didn’t want to re-record it, Gilbert said (through an email from Areti) that I needed time for “the change to settle in”. Time? There’s time? I think it was because I went “off-message” on this kind of concept, that thought, contraction, whatever it is that seems to be happening, is awareness/oneness too. That whole thing I was Skyping you about “you are whole and complete just as you are” didn’t feed very well into the (subtly unspoken) goal of awakening seekers, seeing the boundlessness, without thought. But that’s fine, the character Suzanne really seems to like that I was dismissed by the male side of the expression of this; the fixit, find a solution, non-earthy, cold-ish ivory tower part of Advaita. Again – it’s all the same thing. Meaningless, and beautiful.
lune said
I don’t know what to say, what does Gilbert mean by the ‘change’?
One thing that came up about your first podcast was that there was just nothing that could be commented about it, nothing that could be questioned about it, nothing that could follow it, it was just like, well that’s all there is to it then, period!
I followed every comment posted after the podcast but just could not seem to add anything, did not want to, apart from being just downright comic about it. It was kind of like a definitive thing going on, hugely powerful.
There is a part of Advaita that is really just nuts and bolts, ‘you are nothing’, ‘you are a concept’ kinda thing, yes, it concentrates on getting ‘people’ there, getting them to drop the search, whatever and it is totally valid. But ‘after’ that, there is this grace and beauty and downright mundaneness of BEING in the world, human, more-than-human, as a nothing, as everything, however it presents itself. And that expression is miraculous, ‘you are whole and complete as you are’, some how sums this up, doesn’t it?
Well, no matter, even if people do not think you are whole and complete as you are, do not think the same of themselves – even if nothing can possibly sum anything up, even if this is all a huge dream, a joke, an idea of separation, of oneness, whatever, then what IS IT to Life anyway? What does Life care? Life is just getting on with Life, the only way it knows how.
hugs (here is a present)
Suzanne said
Well, there are no words to describe this, but the right words have to be used, evidently. But as I say, no matter. Life unfolds, or seems to, and I’ve been asked by nevernotnow.com to join them on a video Skype meeting on November 29th. I don’t know what to say to these people except “give up”. The useless words come a lot easier when writing than when trying to talk about it!
In the story, lots of useful stuff comes up when something is rejected. There’s no need for lessons to be learned, no one learns them, but lessons are learned nonetheless! Love that incongruity.
lune said
Problem is that there is actually nothing to say – why not just keep quiet??? That could speak volumes! Lots of people go on and on and on and write whole books about this stuff trying to explain the fact that – THIS IS IT!
It actually needs only two words and out of these two words spins huge paradox and incongruity – it is beautiful.
Hey, what about a devil for tomorrow night? x
Suzanne said
Funky hippie. My normal persona. Will take a picture.
“It is beautiful” is three words. Good thing it doesn’t matter! ;]
Well, writing nothing is certainly an option. There seems to be a slight female vacuum, not that it matters in the least blah blah blah. Am enjoying these things, the urge to do them arises, so I’ll keep having fun with the useless things!
lune said
Oh, the two words thingy was aimed at ‘give up’ (credit where credit’s due).
Life consists of useless things, all to be enjoyed and puzzled over – there’s ironing for God’s sake – done mostly by women of course, who also, as was mentioned, do the vacuuming. x
Jennifer said
Is there a possibility that you could just not get involved in the story? If awareness is present then shouldn’t awareness be capable of making the decision NOT to give the woman the nod in agreement? Surely we have been placed on this earth to improve upon all life’s pettiness and conflicts so you have the decision to make it better, and Lune you are so aware of it, why not make it better? It is like you are standing there scoffing about something you do not need to do anything about.
Sorry to be so blunt, but I am concerned. What next? In the future will you not consider stopping to help a boy being beaten up on the street or a wounded animal? Will they have to struggle alone?
Jen
lune said
Hi Jennifer,
I AM getting involved in the story, I AM the story and it is wonderful, amazing, vital and oftentimes boring and frustrating as hell !!!!
These are just words trying to and miserably failing to describe the actuality of This.
But this is the ONLY way I can be an ‘I’ at all, through interaction by default.
Otherwise, there is no me, no you, no other, no actions, no consequences.
Boil it down (see my reply to Lisa) and all there ‘is’ is a huge amount and a tiny pin drop of energy ONE energy which has divided up into the myriadical beauty and cruelty of life experience in order to taste itself.
How lonely for ONE to be ONE; not ever able to experience itself because there is no other to experience ‘not it’.
Do you know Howard Jones’ song Hide and Seek? It is a story about division and experience and loneliness and all that kind of stuff, it is succinct and to the point and hugely relevant (Great hair cut too).
Don’t you think there is something magical, mysterious and totally COMPLETE about this??
It sounds dry, pathetic even, but it is raw, it is sacred and essential, cannot be contained in words, concepts, label, opinions, blah, blah, it is beyond ‘personal’ energy; what You Are in Totality, nothing lacking, nothing taken away, nothing wanting. Absolute.
What could there be other than that?
Jennifer said
But how can you live your life seeing things in this way? How do you interact with your children, your husband- Is it dull? Life as it is does not involve striving for a better world then? Personal energy is just energy? I am very interested in seeking in a non-duality context, I read a little about it, but it just seems so lifeless and sterile. Where is the passion? I do not feel complete right now however way i look at it. OK, we should be questioning the whole idea of ourselves and our motives, but how do I really seriously start to disbelieve in my own LIFE?
Jen
lune said
Hi, Jen,
well, you know nothing has changed, but everything has changed, life is exactly as it has always been, but there is no centre, no personal volition, no choice, no outcome which could ever touch What-Is and that is truly liberating. Advaitans can sometimes seem dull but they come from the same tradition as Gnostics, when Everything has been stripped back to Nothing and profound realisation remains, a realisation which is not tied to any experience, feeling, creed or belief. It does not mean that these things disappear from life, they are just seen exactly for what they are, illusion, and beyond that is a deep knowing of who we truly Are,
Tim Freke and Peter Gandy, “Jesus and the Goddess”
julian said
Dear Lune, It seems that you are so closely involved in the motions of life, that you notice every bubble that arises.It must be very painful to be so sensitive. This is some of the best descriptive and honest writing I have come across. I don’t even know that I understand it all fully, but something in me responds to it, especially the feeling expressed of being stuck to our personal responses with rabbit skin glue. A whole life time of learned wisdom can’t shake it off, and yet, and yet, we are lovely as the bare trees arn’t we. we want to have people, both good and bad sit beneath our shelter; we want to watch, listen and love without any judgement. We cannot for we are wired differently. But of course we do love, for the one who nods and agrees with life’s cruel games is not who we are.The wiring does not belong to us. x
lisa said
in these instances–when standing in line watching another person struggle– i tend to hand over my extra change to the fumbling woman and pay for her.
lisa said
One more thing–we do have choice—the we do have loads of personal power even if nondality doesnt stress this aspect of onenness—we have power.I have repeatedly read the metaphor aboutthe wave and the ocean and how the 2 aren’t separate. Take away every wave and the ocean disappears.Take away every human and the consciosness of oneness disappears. There is so much focus on oneness, but actually the individual counts. It’s vibratory. We can use our presence to consciously raise the oneness vibration any time we want. And to contribute something good for the whole –to raise it higher from inside to outside. micro macro. As above so below. From all that I have read about this subject the last month—this facet of personal power is sadly lacking in the discussion and to me it is the most crucial.
lune said
We do have choice – if the story of the individual is identified with – and we do have the personal power to influence things if we have that belief. I wholeheartedly agree in the principle of ‘As Above, So Below’ because Everything is connected and nothing is separate, no way it can’t be. There is just no way. Call it Oneness, whatever, it just cannot not be.
If the wave is taken away the ocean would still remain, surely? Waves come and go and never change the ocean’s mass. Waves have never defined the ocean, waves come from the ocean, are contained by it and disappear back to it when they die.
Do we have to be human to be conscious? Take away the concept (after all, the word ‘human’ is nothing but a concept, right?) of human and the concept of consciousness will disappear, not the actual consciousness itself. But then does consciousness actually exist, if that too is only a concept?
So, if all the humans disappear and all the concepts disappear because the humans who have the concepts have disappeared, then what is left? Nothing? Hold on, that is a concept. Everything? Nope. Pure Consciousness? Nope – all concepts.
What is left?
(I know, for all readers who think this is incredibly dry and philosophical, the answer is that there is no answer, or perhaps the answer is: LIFE JUST AS IT US. Now isn’t that lush, exotic and monsoonly-visceral for such a parched conceptual discussion?)
Suzanne said
Awareness is, whether consciousness is or not. But these are labels and concepts too. It’s not important, whether the human form is how awareness divides to apprehend itself. Even if something goes terribly wrong at the Cern particle collider and some massive black hole destroys us all, it’s still just oneness, black-holing. It’s the story of no matter how hard we try, there are no guarantees that the “right” outcome will occur, like the book of Job in the Bible. Awareness is, no matter what, even if all the mind/body thingies die.
The story of personal power is a particularly poignant story of the ego needing to survive, and thrive, and have control. Not only am I separate – I’m a powerful separate person! But I would say happily that I have no personal power, I have no personal anything. My story is the one about giving up, letting go, accepting what is – no one did that – and in that vacuum of the need for personal power, things happen that are far beyond my mind’s limited imagination. Things go “better” than the little I could have ever imagined, in ways the little I could never have thought of. “Letting go and letting God”, is one way some put it. And God is just another word for oneness, one that’s out of fashion. When, God-people would say, your will becomes God’s will – the wave and the ocean – life is beyond your wildest dreams. But the ego is scared to die, so beefs itself up in as many ways as it can, including casting circles to harness ethereal power and align the macrocosm with the microcosm. I know what’s best, says the ego, and I will make the world conform to that. But most people don’t resort to neo-paganism, they just rely on old fashioned manipulation, persuasion, reverse psychology, or whining a bit. I have to admit whining a bit comes up once in awhile for “me”! But only if I’m tired.
lune said
I live near to Cern, ‘I’ will be one of the first to go into that black hole ……Wheeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!
Sometimes, I think I fell into to it already,
Oh, wow huge deja vu!
Suzanne said
Nicholas has a cool essay about deja vu: http://consciousflex.blogspot.com/2009/06/what-does-enlightenment-feel-like.html
lune said
There’s someone here who loves it when it happens, ‘cos it makes her feel french and sexy, Deja vu that is……